Cannes-Gewinner Ruben Dienstag, All my Loving Highlight. Wo liegt hier der besondere Reiz? So etwas kann man nicht deutschen Film. Montag, Und um nochmal auf NRW Samstag, Welcher Titel? Cleo Generation. Denn ich Berlin genommen. Sonntag, KINO waren nun fast 7. Rund zehn Prozent unserer etwa Filme stammen inzwischen von einem oder Freitag, Mo, Ina Weisse gespielt. Ein Film, der wie aus der Zeit gefallen wirkt, der polari- siert.
Und der einen Nerv trifft. Gemein- szene. Ich sehe aber, dass Haus Wert auch erkannt haben.
So wird Coworking Space, Netzwerkplatt- funktionierende Leuchtturm, der wir sind. Game Jam. Gerade politisch gibt es viel zu tun. Unsere Mieter sind international gut vernetzt und sehen, wie z. Deutschland muss da aufholen. Das Konzept Weltweite Community entwickelt. Gerade auch bei den Ausbildungs-Institutionen aus. Da bleibt dann oft dischen Eindhoven. Leaders Breakfast Sandra Winterberg Mediennetzwerk. Er soll Zuschauern als Orientierung dienen, szene der Einladung des Mediennetzwerk.
Nathanael Liminski, Karsten Lehmann games. NRW und games. Ziel der Veranstaltung ist es, games. NRW Investoren zu vernetzen.
Dem Spiel- virtuellen Mehrspieler-Erlebnisses. Na dann: Lasset die Spiele beginnen Betroffene unser kreativer Gestaltungsspielraum war im Gegen- sollten mit Hilfe der VR-Technologie auf eine virtu- satz zur industriellen Anwendung, wo die absolute Die Weltenweber, das sind Lukas Kuhlendahl, Beate elle Zeitreise in ihre Vergangenheit geschickt werden. Anwendung in ihre Demenz-Therapie aufzunehmen.
Die Weltenweber schaftliche Relevanz hat. Die Vier arbeiten dran AB Creative Europe zu beantragen! Januar kommerziell ausgewertet haben. Produktions- und 5. Fast 80 Prozent aller Euro erhalten. Voraussetzung ist die Beteiligung unter info ced-nrw. David Figura Jugendpsychatrie machen, in dem ich meine Erfah- hat nach seiner Ausbildung zum Mediengestalter Der Stoff ist autobiografisch.
Mir war dokumentarische sowie szenische Kamera studiert. Dazu hat er schon im Februar erst noch beweisen. Es werden zunehmend mehr Seminare dazu sehen sein. Der Kurzfilm ist nach der Erstausstrahlung noch 90 Tage tung vor. Februar findet von 19 bis 21 Uhr im Kino der Pfeiffer-Poensgen zeichnete am November drei Rettinger.
Der experimentelle im zweiten Publikumsfragen beantwortet werden. In dem penbesuch aufgebrochen wird. Doch die Thera- Blinden- und Sehbehindertenverbandes Westfalen e. Am April und am Mai besteht pie erweist sich als schmerzhaft und anstrengend. Bis NRW mit Mai im Plane- tarium Bochum. Es gab Versuche, die Avantgarde-Schule mit bauen.
Denn am Morgen nach lich armen Kubanern entlarvt. Von einem Drehbuch von Thorsten Wettcke vom Alle 23 Drehtage finden in NRW statt. Die Film- und statt. Zum Jahrestag des Kultur und Medien. Als Darsteller sind Annina Hellenthal, Palatsik. Damit waren Claims abge- steckt, die bis heute nachklingen. Zeltinger kann laut, er hat aber eben auch Haltung. April Kinostart: Leo spielt leiden- waltigung Livs sein tragisches Ende findet. Ein komplexer machen. Als Jasmin sich bei der Recherche in ihren Seele liegt. Die B ist keine In den Tiefen des Weltalls. Maximal zwei Jahre hat die reso- men an Bord eines Raumschiffs.
Dabei kehr von ihren Strafen freikauften und an Bord mit Australien und Neuseeland. Ferdi, der von dem Schwarzen Loch. Grimme-Preis ter zum Mal der Bayerische Filmpreis verliehen. Die Verleihung Studios. Grimme-Preise findet am 5. Rebecca is an expert on the connection between health and happiness and believes the foundation for a long, happy life lies in enjoyable habits. Rebecca has also been a spokesperson and consultant to some big food brand, and through over media outlets, she has reached millions of people. And today, it will be you she reaches, dear listener. The responses have made my eyes swim.
A lot of you have asked for a written version as a handy reminder. Great idea! January—the international month of mass-dieting—is ahead. Sadly, they still get clicks. In fact, the more weight-loss-promising they are, the more clicks they get. When all that matters is how we look and how others perceive us , we end up giving up our power and we end up ready and willing to try everything, no matter the cost. Now matter how UN -healthy and miserable it makes us.
Let me gently open the lid of my internal garbage grinder and enjoy the lovely sound of all of those little bastards being torn to shreds. The thing we think about least. Here are some of my ideas for now and forever after; take as many as you wish! Some last words before I go: You have permission to just be you, and to try to be as kind to yourself as you can. We all deserve more freedom and joy, and this is a good time to allow some of that in, instead of opening the door to mood-darkening messages and self-defeating thoughts.
Good stuff is coming your way, radicals. See you on the other side! Just kidding! Get ready, dear ones. Growth happens out of your comfort zone. See why my knees are shaky? This one is important. If I had one Christmas gift wish, I would love for all the wo men in the world to have a chance to listen to this.
For they deserve to live life true to themselves. Hey, lovely radicals. Podcast time! Lauren is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Personal Trainer specializing in eating disorders and sports nutrition. She has years of experience working at Eating Disorders Treatment facilities, in most levels of care, from Residential Treatment to Intensive Outpatient Treatment. She helps people who struggle with weight, food and exercise. Her goal is to assist her clients in moving away from a punitive experience with food and movement to one of self-compassion and self-care.
Lauren has spoken at numerous national conferences and events on eating disorders and sports nutrition. Hey, sweet radicals, here we go again: Podcast! Christy is an intuitive eating coach and anti-diet registered dietitian who helps people make peace with food. She offers online intuitive eating courses and individual nutrition therapy for people who want to heal their difficult relationship to food. Her work is based on Health At Every size and is coming from a body positive perspective, which is wonderful.
Being a journalist as well, she has written for numerous magazines and websites, including Refinery29, Gourmet, The Food Network and others. She is also hosting a podcast that has had a great influence on me and my courage to recover from restriction, binging and overexercising. Christy and I chatted on a Sunday, evening for me, morning for her, so both of us in chill mode.
Lovely radical! Welcome to another beautiful ear-journey. She is a clinical psychologist, certified eating disorder specialist and storyteller who has been working with women struggling with eating and weight for over 30 years. As an international speaker, Dr. Anita Johnston talks about the effects of the preoccupation with dieting and weight that keep millions of women around the world obsessed and all too often unsuccessfully attempting to control their struggles.
If you are interested in Dr. As he describes on his website, he promotes a non-diet, weight neutral approach to changing behaviors that lead to improved health. So it is high time you meet the other half of that wonderful podcast. And you will! Podcasting is expensive, more so than I thought. Hello, lovely tribe! Evelyn Tribole is an award-winning registered dietitian with a nutrition counseling practice in Newport Beach, California, specializing in Eating Disorders, Intuitive Eating and celiac disease.
Evelyn has a passion for helping people discover a healthy relationship with food, mind and body; whether that be through one-on-one counseling, writing, workshops or media appearances. As you can imagine, she has had countless media appearances, and she has achieved the highest honors one could possibly dream of as an expert dietitian.
Hi, sweet radicals! Her work as an award-winning Performance Poet, Activist and transformational leader continues to have global reach. Sonya is a former National and International poetry slam champion, author, educator and activist who has mesmerized audiences across the world. Sonya is a fierce advocate and activist for intersectional global justice. Hello, dear body acceptance radicals! Maria Paredes from Greensboro, North Carolina. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Eating Disorders Specialist who describes herself as a five-star listener, heart healer, courage instiller, lover of ALL bodies, self-compassion coach, voice amplifier, companion to those in pain and a believer in hope.
She holds a Bachelor degree in psychology, a Masters degree in school counseling, as well a a doctoral degree in counseling and counselor education. She helps people who are stuck in the diet-binge-cycle as well as those who want to feel more comfortable in their own skin, make peace with food and with their bodies. She offers individual and group counseling, clinical supervision, workshops, and talks at schools, workplaces and different communities. If you are interested in working with Dr.
Hello there, lovely radicals…. Time to unwind! Take this time for yourself and allow yourself to find some peace in the midst of the craziness of daily life. Your body and mind will thank you for it. Enjoy this guided meditation to tame our monkey mind, and to drop into a state of awake presence and full awareness of THIS moment—all we ever have. If you experience your mind wandering off into thoughts and worries, expectations or judgments, just remember that this is normal and it happens to everybody.
Over and over again. As if they were clouds passing by. That is what mindfulness and meditation basically is. Now Let us slow down for 25 minutes, as we experience … the NOW. This is my first guided meditation, so I hope I manage to bring some stillness into your life as we travel through the body together. More is to come; as soon as I can make the time, I will play with it and try different lengths and different styles. Thank you so much! Lovely having you here, my fellow traveller!
Totally uplifting. So here we go.
FilmUndMedienNRWFlipbook Pages 1 - 50 - Text Version | FlipHTML5
As she was tending to the needs of people who were dying, she started recording the regrets that these people expressed to her. She collected them. Thousands of them. And she subsequently wrote about them. Most of us have heard of them, and most of us even gave the list some thought, but then… life happened. The daily grind. Let us refresh our memories, shall we? But what do these have to do with dieting?
Can you picture yourself? Maybe the first diet was comparably easy, and we were high from all the compliments we got. But then, our bodies started to fight back against our attempts at starving it, and flooded us with crazy cravings, which eventually made us binge. Adding the hours, days, weeks, months or years we spent dieting or rigidly weight-suppressing, we end up with a heart-wrenching amount of time decades? Possibly forever. Dieting is an addiction. Dieters are afraid.
Afraid of loneliness, rejection and sadness, we often end up manifesting just that. What if we did, instead, express how we truly feel? What if we stopped pointing the finger at our weight and stopped hiding behind this admittedly cheap and cowardly deflection. That one, too.
I am still recovering, as you know, but already now, I can see just how many social invitations I declined, how many friends I stopped going out for dinner with because I was worried about the food, and about losing control. Oh boy. All those years. And it took me forever to see that all I did was maneuver myself further away from happiness. I thought happy was around the corner. All we have is NOW. Let us let ourselves be happy. Let us reach out.
Let us laugh. Let us eat cake. Let us jump for joy. Let us cry. Let us do your own thing. Let us acknowledge our innate awesomeness. Let us live.
About this book
She is a nutrition therapist, registered licensed dietitian and somatic attuned eating coach who has offered counseling in private practice since She specializes in treatment of eating disorders and eating problems for both adults and children and she also routinely teaches intuitive eating workshops and disordered eating related talks in the North Central Florida area, including Santa Fe College and Flager College, St. Augustine, Florida. Chris is a life coach and works with clients in recovery from any number of addictions, mood or behavioral issues. He has been through quite a journey himself.
Chris is a highly compassionate, positive force that helps people find their truth and their unique healing by offering an experienced perspective, a radical wellness orientation and an encouraging relationship that is crucial to sustainable growth. Hello, lovely radicals! Time for another podcast ride; hold on tight! She has been a diet-victim for decades, just like many of us, and she has experienced just how much attention and congratulations we get when weight is lost. Therefore she knows exactly why so many people dread to gain weight.
But instead of keeping on living in the pre-hell of either lusting after food or restricting it, she got taught a better way. She got educated about HAES, Health At Every Size, and as she says, it has transformed her life and the way she thinks about weight, diet and body image. Needless to say, she never dieted again and she is doing fabulous. She has helped countless humans ditch diet-mentality and find true self-acceptance and a healthy body image. Glenys tells us how she came to be a Health At Every Size HAES dietitian, and how the process of stepping out of the dogmatic diet-culture chains has helped her—finally, in her forties—to develop a relaxed and uncomplicated, peaceful relationship with food and her body.
I want to be seen, I want to be heard. As we humans do. In those moments, that longing feels like a hungry hole that sucks all lightness and joy out of me and empties out my soul. It is as if gravity has decided to slowly leave me and there is now nothing left to keep me from disappearing into outer space, nothingness. Like a balloon that a toddler accidentally let go of at the amusement park, a ballon being caught up in the branches of a tree, barely holding on to a twig as the wind is picking up. In those moments, I mostly forget that I have friends. I forget that I have a phone with which I could call them.
My inner Gremlin loooooves these moments and has a variety of stealth attacks in his repertoire with which he then comes at me. Know what this is? This is neediness! Ugly, disgusting neediness. Who needs a needy woman?? So I stay alone and isolate myself cue food!
Or, in those rare cases when I did call out for help as a kid, I got rejected—which was the worst pain of all, one that I got acquainted with way too early in life. Now, even I can see that it must have been right around then that I started to believe that food was a much more reliable source of comfort and safety than any adult could ever be. As much as I long for togetherness, I often do a terrible job with it. I love connecting, I love sharing, I love listening.
I love people. But once I get to know them better and really like them not necessarily in a romantic way , and they are now a friend—and, thus, the risk of being hurt increases—I can get quite weird at times, and I have a very hard time accepting that part of me. Mostly, what I do, is wall up and act cold and distant. So they usually just let me do my walled-up stunt for a few minutes and as soon as this sense of danger subsides, my unwillingness to show myself dissolves and I open up automatically.
I truly feel for them, because I know that all they are trying to do is be nice: They might ask how I am, they might try to hug me, anything to connect to me, mostly with the best intentions. What happens on my side, though is this: I feel absurdly powerless to this feeling of unsafety, one that manifests in an utter unwillingness to connect, as this sense of being in a chokehold washes over me. Like the cat that always takes its sweet time until it jumps on your lap to be stroked. If they just stay present with me and mind their own thing, I can open up in two minutes, easily.
Because, deep inside, I am riddled with guilt. So I tend to hole up even more. Cue guilt, cue binging, cue excessively exercising, cue obsessing about my weight. They love me enough to see behind this outwardly weird behavior. They know what it is that comes over me in these situations, again and again some days, even after such a long time. They know that I never want to cause any harm when I come across closed-off or distant.
They know, that when I turn cold or rejecting, I am not really cold or rejecting. They know that, deep down, something inside of me feels hopelessly unsafe. They know that all I truly long for is secure attachment, a thing I never had. They know where all of this strangeness is coming from. They know that I grew up in a household where nothing was ever reliable. They know that I was either being half-starved, abandoned, beaten, ignored, or—the crass opposite—that I was being put under enormous pressure to be perfect at school, to look prettier, to be nicer, to be devoid of needs, but to always be available to take the coals out of the fire, sometimes quite literally, when my intoxicated mother passed out with burning cigarettes.
They know that I never really knew if the hand that reached out to me was going to pat me on the head, slap me across the face or punch me in the gut. They know that I know that my mother never meant to cause so much damage. They know that I know how bad she was hurting herself and how lost SHE was in the world. They know that I only recently started to really miss her, almost 30 years after her tragic death. They know that I so much wish to have known who she truly was, beneath her alcohol and drug addiction, beneath all the hopelessness that suffocated her and made her act the way she did.
They know the real me, the cuddly, soft-hearted one, the vulnerable one, the one that only shows when she truly trusts. They also know that all it takes is a few minutes of breathing room before I can come out of hiding and let down my guard. Hey, lovely radicals… Ear-treat ahead! She experienced first hand, what it means to be fat-shamed, stigmatized and devalued and she is now fiercely on a mission to educate people about the ugly truths behind the merciless profit-seeking mechanisms of the diet-industry, media-literacy, the effects of weight-stigma on mental and physical health and the ways of changing the current narrative.
In my opinion, every woman can use a good dose of Summer in her life! She works as a Body Image Coach who has her own past with diets, restriction, body insecurity and exercise addiction, and she now helps women to stop living behind the number on their scales, to ditch the diet demons for good and to develop real inner confidence. Linda Bacon is a health professor and researcher on the inside track of weight-regulation science, she holds graduate degrees in physiology, psychology and exercise metabolism with a specialty in nutrition. In order to resolve her own body image issues and eating disorders she found that she had to let go of 5 things.
Sounds easy, but was a lifelong process that she will tell us about. What she is focused on nowadays is being her most powerful self and helping others to enhance the quality of their own life and make better use of it than eternally dieting. But she uses me as an example… and questions my inner gremlin voice. Find out how that turns out! In private practice, she specializes in Eating and Substance Use Disorders and she works at a non-profit providing Intensive Outpatient Treatment to clients with Substance Use Disorder and cooccurring mental health conditions like anxiety, depression or Eating Disorders.
Kathleen, who is also a body positive size diversity activist who promotes Health At Every Size HAES principles to end stigma and mistreatment that is associated with weight, has overcome her own body image obsessions and she shares her great insights with us! In this episode of the Life Unrestricted podcast, she talks about … all of it. Wait for it. Horse urine is involved…. Kaila is also a body positive wellness and recovery coach, feminist writer and speaker and a fellow podcastine… She talks about her year battle with eating disorders, calorie counting, yo-yo dieting and compulsive exercise and has the most amazing guests.
Kaila is one of the precious few voices who bring the taboo topics of eating disorders, exercise addiction, and body image obsession into the open and is an inspiration for thousands — myself included. This show will leave you feeling ready to change the world, one step towards self-acceptance at a time. Kaila is currently working on a program to work with clients who want to leave their exercise addiction and disordered eating behaviors behind and start living a fulfilling, satisfying life according to their own rules.
They simply point out basic human rights. It glorifies discrimination. It glorifies ignorance. And it glorifies separation. Lovely ones… Yay! She has managed to step out of restriction misery and has healed her compulsive relationship to exercise. It has become her mission to help others reclaim their freedom with their bodies and their relationship to food.
She is a body image coach who specializes in banishing body hate and in getting a handle on emotional eating. In this episode, Keri-Anne Livingstone and I are getting real about… getting real. Welcome to the third episode of the Life. In this episode, I talk to Nicola Rinaldi from Boston USA about her journey from losing her period — due to too much exercise and not enough food — to recovery, and in her case a beautiful family with three boys.
She came to regret that: She stopped menstruating and subsequently almost slipped into a full blown eating disorder. Fortunately, she was able to allow herself to get better: Her dreams of having a family of her own meant that she had to take care of herself. She exercised less, ate more and finally got her period back and started a family. She is passionate about helping women to see why their cycle is so important for their mood, their sleep, their bones and their overall health whether or not they want children of their own.
Now what? She shares with us her incredible journey from growing up as an anxious kid who developed OCD, later an eating disorder, exercise addiction, and, finally, severe alcoholism from which it took her a long time to fully recover. She reveals what really helped her on this often difficult healing process and how she maintains healthy boundaries and true stability. Initially a successful banker, she has now found her true passion in helping other people on their way to recovery from addictions and disorders, and to find their inner peace, more grounding as well as access to their true inner compass.
The show that might just make you feel better about yourself, your body and your worth beyond your jeans size. Let me ask you: When is enough enough? Welcome home. Welcome to the Life. Let me take you on a different journey. As I recover from excess dieting, disordered eating, from exercise addiction, and — generally — an awful body image, I want to share what I learn, share my struggles and, most of all, I want to bring you the very best experts and the most inspiring guests who share their insights on Health At Every Size HAES , read: How to approach real health and get to that place where we can live a life free of food fears, body shame and obsessive dieting.
We will learn how to break that vicious diet-binge cycle, how to make piece with our body and how to stop diet-mentality rule us. In this very first episode, I will share with you:. What struck me, though, was just how many times this one question was asked:. Weeeeell… t hat work is still under construction; there are so many layers to the story that I could fill a book with them. Also, I guess you brought that upon yourself. My father. The man who left when I was not even born yet. I hated him for leaving me with an unpredictable, alcoholic mother who was living a highly destructive double life; every day, until the early afternoon, she was the highly intelligent, beautiful and well-dressed personal assistant…and after that, at home, she turned into the other one.
I hated him for turning a blind eye on everything that was going on, and for not even listening when I asked him to please, PLEASE, let me live with him. So, instead, I idealized him. The beautiful hands he had. The awesome massive silver-turquoise ring he wore. The way he dressed in that lax-but-totally-fly style. His elegant handwriting. The smell of his aftershave Chanel Antaeus. Sometimes, I got very lucky. Ever so rarely, when it suited him, he let me sleep over at his place on a Saturday. Dream-come-true moments! I remember sitting in his living room, in front of this antique, wooden sideboard with his huge headphones on, listening through his awesome records collection.
I must have spent days with John Lee Hooker, Eric Clapton and the Dire Straits in my kiddo-ears, playing with the curly cord of the headphones, smelling his vanilla-scented tobacco and dreaming of living like this. Ketchup, peanut butter, Coke, Nutella!! All he was committed to was his own pleasure-seeking, the pursuit of beautiful skinny women, going out, traveling, and generally having as few responsibilities as possible… Clearly, it was too much of an inconvenience to get his daughter out of hell. And as any kid would have, I made it about me. Well, he stopped being so cool to me when I lived with him for 2 years after my mother died.
I was an inconvenience. I got to know the king of one-upping other people, the king of shaming people who had a different opinion, a lesser education, other values. What I especially hated was the way he drove his girlfriends to tears with his disrespect and unpredictability. He was out of the country a lot, so I was on my own for long stretches of time. You know, career choice, first boyfriend, what to wear to work, dealing with emotions… Of course, I moved out the first chance I got. And for the next 20 years, I oscillated between hateful dreams of revenge and a humiliating hustle for his approval.
What I knew for sure was that what had to be avoided at all cost was to appear needy in any way. Asking for advice, support or—heaven forbid! So I played the independent, low-maintenance daughter.
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At one point, I convinced myself that my mother must have been right when she used to call me ugly and fat. So in order to live up his standard, I did what I already knew how to do. When I lost a bunch of weight and started to become known as a national radio host, he suddenly showed interest, and started boasting to his friends about me… He made me his big success story and only called to gather the latest info and to promise to keep in touch or support me.
No matter how much I dieted, exercised, hustled or denied myself, he kept being unavailable. Something in me went very cold and very hard over the years and I started applying cold-war-mode whenever he was nasty. I got myself to where I am today, so fuck you for making it all about your great fathering! Only… that never seemed to happen and, soon enough, he would turn mean, snappy or hostile again, and back I went into cold-war-mode… Rinse and repeat. I was addicted to the conviction that I was the one who was in the right , addicted to the fantasy that I would bring him to his knees wailing with remorse , and I was addicted to the idea that I would, one day, dance on his grave.
And even more embarrassing: I was still afraid of his rejection and I was never able to be authentic around him. Deep down, I was still a sucker for his approval, and since I lacked self-respect and a sense of worthiness, I was kinda stuck in victim-mentality. I stubbornly held on to my belief that he was the one who had to make the first move towards real change. Fast forward. Today, I love this cantankerous guy.
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And he is still exactly the same. What has changed, is my attitude. And today I know why it took me so damn long to forgive him: I tried to think my way to forgiveness. I read about forgiveness. Not happening. It was a very heady matter, and it was a lot of black and white thinking and very little real feeling. I had zero real compassion for him, and really very little real compassion for myself. It was November when all my walls crumbled and I was at the end of my wits.
All I wanted was… to leave this shit-show. I had only massive resistance to that. Who wants to sit in silence, trying not to think about anything, while that monkey mind inside goes fucking batshit?? But, Io and behold, I was humble enough to open some doors in my mind and, well, just tried. And kept trying. As if a part of me knew that I had found the key to the door of healing. That I could put some space between my usually racing thoughts. So I discovered, over the next few months, that I could, in fact, hold space for myself, somewhere deep inside.
I discovered that in that space, I could make room for some of those intense waves of emotions I was so terrified of, and let them flow through me without drowning in them. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Mark Twain. It meant that I lived like a victim and kept being dependent on his changing, his approval, and needing his love. With all this started my journey into self-inquiry and I learned something that was previously inconceivable for me:. I needed to love myself. I stopped delusioning myself that anger was the easier way out and started to learn about different ways to work through some of that. I simply wanted to start to get better.
Work that is still in progress, quite obviously. I had to start somewhere, right? So, of course my dad came up. And finally I was courageous enough to let the gunk come up. And boy, it did come up. I felt my arms get warmer and warmer until the seemed explode with heat and I felt like I had turned into some human laser-beam ready to burn the sun. Anger, my friend, pure as it gets. Instead of running from it, like I used to do, I faced it.
Let me tell you; in my imaginary carnage, not one gory detail was left out. And then another feeling came up. I am so sorry!
While I was crouching on the floor, whimpering, I kept thinking how ridiculous this whole scene would have to look if someone were to look in, but of course, there was no one. I was my own judge. This was the time to just ride with the wave and let go, so I just let myself cry for my father. The wave finally passed, and suddenly, I felt an inexplicable compassion well up inside me.
In all of this broken-openness, I saw him differently and—talk about unexpected outcomes—felt love for him. I understood that my father had his own story with his mother and he was carrying so much unprocessed shit with him that he was a victim himself. In the months to follow, my view of my dad started to shift. I began to see his own undigested story in his outbursts, absences, sarcastic remarks and his need to be right. I started to look for the boy he once was in his eyes. And I saw that his way of being a father to me was the best he could do.
It had never been about me being the wrong way or not good enough. He might never be able to express his love for me in a way the little girl inside me would want him to, but I know he loves me. What also happened after my anger-cleanse is that I ceased having any expectations towards him. I just let him be. Today, I am not afraid of him anymore, because I have established healthy boundaries for myself. Love or not, no one said I have to put up with all of his moods, or that I have to like him all the time.
It works just fine. Da ich aber eine ehrliche Antwort geben will, nehme ich meinen Vater als Beispiel. Category : Contact Reports. Just as with the introductory explanation, all of the following was written down together and with Asket's help. Furthermore, she was in a position, by means of some sort of apparatuses, to reproduce words - true to the original words - which had already been spoken a long time ago, whereby, with the writing down of the following reports, I am in a position to reproduce truthfully, word-for-word, every single spoken word and every sentence from her side or from my side.
Ausserdem war sie durch irgendwelche Apparaturen in der Lage, schon vor langer Zeit gesprochene Worte wortgetreu wiederzugeben, wodurch ich beim Niederschreiben der nachfolgenden Berichte in der Lage bin, wahrhaftig wortgetreu jedes einzelne gesprochene Wort und jeden Satz ihrer- oder meinerseits wiederzugeben.
The apparatus, which Asket has at her disposal for such purposes, is able to again bring forth and record every singly jot of a conversation out of her unconscious, or transfer it as thought-impulses. It was my eighteenth close sighting of beamships, when I was picked up on February 3rd, to make Asket's acquaintance.
Es war die achtzehnte Nahsichtung von Strahlschiffen meinerseits, als ich am 3. I was picked up by a disc in the early second hour of the morning at a place which had been precisely communicated to me shortly before, which, however, Sfath had already arranged with me weeks earlier, so that on day X only the actual exact point had to be named. Bitter cold prevailed at this early morning hour as I made my way to the favourite place of my thoughts where I was often alone for so many hours and where, sixteen days earlier, Sfath also announced to me the acquaintanceship with Asket which was intended to occur on this night.
In spite of the sharp cold, I broke out in a sweat as I climbed the small hill on which the agreed place was situated. Arriving there, I did not have to wait long for some sort of thing which was still supposed to come there, because, arriving on the dome of the hill, I immediately saw a bright light plunge down from the sky and set down not far from me on the frozen-hard ground. The bright light went out and I saw a matt silver and discus-shaped object which stood majestically quiet on three landing spheres and appeared to wait for me. The disc's landing spheres were completely foreign to me, because I had never seen such things with that kind of form before.
After a short telepathic invitation, I approached the ship as if under a gentle compulsion and at once was lifted in through an opening, just as if by ghostly hands, because there was neither a lift nor some sort of other entrance possibility. I had already earlier repeatedly experienced that with Sfath each time he brought me into his pear-shaped ship. However, the interior arrangement of this ship was fundamentally different, in comparison to that of Sfath's.
A change which, in my life up to that point, had always only appeared to me as a dream and fantasy. The bright light which came from everywhere in the interior of the ship suddenly went out, and then suddenly I seemed to be sitting outdoors. No longer could anything at all of the ship and the entire set-up be perceived, and when, in a reflex motion, I drew my left hand in front of my eyes, I was also no longer able to see it.
However, I also already started to move upwards, at an angle, into the night sky and slowly floated at a low altitude towards the nearby village where I simply remained hanging just two metres over the house which later belonged to my parents, while Asket's "voice" again suddenly sounded in me and gave me a several minute long explanation and indeed in relation to my further path in life and that which was to come in relation to my family and my own family in later years.
After this explanation the still invisible ship, with me, started to move again - this time eastward and, with suddenly raving speed, shooting high into the night sky, without me thereby feeling some kind of discomfort or a pressure. The ship shot up with me in just minutes - higher and ever higher - and then, for the first time, I saw the stars shine like I had never, up to that point in my lifetime, seen them shine - big, beautiful, glorious, and wonderfully more powerful than I had ever seen them before from the Earth.
It was without doubt - I was in outer space, very high on the daytime side above the Earth, which I still only saw as a blue-white-greenish ball. But indeed it was actually no ball, rather only a part of a ball, because now it suddenly looked like the Moon when it was half full. Shooting through empty space, I saw, very far in the east, a gigantic luminescent disc positioned in outer space. Durch den leeren Raum schiessend, sah ich sehr fern im Osten eine riesenhafte leuchtende Scheibe im All stehen.
Indeed, that had to have been the Sun which already illuminated a part of the Earth on this side. I thereby discerned a gigantic area which must indeed have been the Indian Ocean while, immediately after that, in a westerly direction, it adjoined dim contours which then spread out into dense darkness. It was still deep night in the West, while far in the East the new day was already awakened and slowly advanced westward. But I could only enjoy this glorious picture for very short minutes - short minutes which seemed like seconds to me, as suddenly everything around me began to glow dimly and my vision blurred.
Then the ship and I were suddenly visible again, and I could again discern everything in the bright light of the interior of the ship. Interested, I rose and stepped out, was "floated" gently to the Earth and stood on hard, dry ground. In spite of the weak light of the night I was able to recognise that the earth was reddish and that this earth actually consisted more of sand, while huge fissured rocks towered in the near surrounds. Thinking deeply because of that, I strolled to the nearby rock, touched it and found it extremely warm.
As I touched the rocky material, something very peculiar occurred inside me: as if struck by a fine electrical shock, I jerked backwards and suddenly knew: "This is Jordan". I was still wondering about this sudden knowledge as I noticed something bright that plummeted, like a stone, from the sky.
At a terrific speed, it became bigger and, all of a sudden, it simply stood still in the air at a height of about 80 to metres, simply without transition and without prior deceleration. Yet then it sank slowly down to Earth, so slowly, lightly and safely like a feather hanging on an invisible thread, and without any sound.
Actually, to me it appeared precisely as if a gigantic feather-down continental quilt were to glide slowly to Earth in completely calm weather, and then, after a long eternity, finally gently and soundlessly set down on the Earth. For me, it was actually a spectacle which I will indeed never forget; this luminous and completely soundless object which lit up the entire surroundings as bright as day and floated down, to then quietly remain on its landing place. And I waited a full half hour before something finally happened: from behind the ship walked a figure, which approached me within a few yards, while quite slowly the illumination from the ship dimmed and then went out.
Yet already after a few split seconds the ship glowed again with light and radiated somewhat like twilight. In the weak shine of this twilight I was able to doubtlessly identify the approaching figure as a female person - ASKET, if my senses did not enormously deceive me. She approached me in a familiar way and I suddenly perceived an enormous, loving sympathy which somehow penetrated me in a peculiarly painful way. This perception was so very familiar to me that it was able to cause painful feelings in me, because I had indeed missed her in my earthly existence until now.
Asket's somewhat peculiar greeting ceremony struck me as strangely familiar and known, yet with the best of will, I was unable to find out why she seemed so familiar and known to me. With a later question regarding this, Asket only smiled and explained that I should consider my other personalities in earlier lives before this current one. I found this somewhat secretive and wanted to know more, yet Asket admitted nothing more about it. Ich fand dies etwas geheimnisvoll und wollte mehr wissen, doch liess sich Asket nicht darauf ein.
Asket's clothing also seemed strangely familiar to me and it was completely different from Sfath's somewhat cumbersome clothing which was reminiscent of a diving suit. The way Asket was dressed had to nearly awaken the impression of a very modern angel: she wore a floor-length, very heavily pleated dress, of a peculiarly whitish-silver colour, belted at the hip. Long brunette hair fell over her shoulders and her face was very beautiful - at least I perceived it so. But I could imagine that if Asket were to encounter any humans they would have taken her for a modern or futuristic angel, because I compared her appearance with pictures which I had seen in religious texts and so forth.
After the greeting I was called upon by Asket to climb into her ship which, to be honest, I did with somewhat peculiar feelings, because this ship seemed to me to emanate something which promised to solve very many of my life's puzzles. The ship zoomed high into the sky and then became just as invisible as the one which brought me here and which had now invisibly remained behind, left in the tangle of rocks. Deep below, I recognised a sea in the early light of the approaching morning, which, in my estimation, could only be the Mediterranean Sea, which immediately also turned out to be correct.