Ads are a fact of internet life these days. They hated the ads too. Did someone miss a decimal point? Commercial grade unit. After hours repair and likely some incidentals. Put the hold on up to the max, once the total is known refund the difference. That is one big ding! So glad to be reading you again and I have to say, I like the clean sight with large blocks of text and no spoiler cartoons. Thank you so much for all you do to keep us entertained. Fuck these colours, fuck this font, fuck that background.
Make your own damn site and wipe your dirty bum like a big boy. Everyone should Google Pinkham to see what kind of person he is, and why he deserves every last piece of shit he gets. Like, a group of people got together to collect that stuff because they felt it was worth people knowing. You are aware that Kinja is the Mos Eisley of Gawker, right? No editorial oversight, anything goes…. Pinkham is fine. I have a monogrammed thermos to prove it! As you said previously concerning this particular site. Which sucks because now my brothers and I have to gag the whole thing down ourselves.
I think there is a general incorrect idea that garbage disposals have wicked blades like smoothie makers and can handle almost anything apart from when I accidentally dropped a knife into my smoothie maker via my own dumbassery…. The story teller already points out how much of an arse it is to go back and forth from the bar to the table, so how come the Pineapple from behind the bar made it all the way back to that table?
The assholes at the table saw an entire pineapple just sitting there, thought it would be funny, and grabbed it and shoved it down the garbage disposal. Stupid as hell people can be very, very clever, when it comes to trying not to get caught. There would be uproar XD. On the subject of fish… My family and I were at a local restaurant and over heard the table next to us order.
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The waitress described all of the specials of the day, one of which was a grilled filet of fish. Upon returning, one of their group ordered the Grilled Fish. When the waitress came with their food, they all stared at the plate of nicely grilled fish and began to whisper among themselves. The waitress was, to her credit able to pick up on the fact that there was a problem. Snow once ordered grilled fish at a place and was served breaded fish. When he doubled check that it was grilled, he was told that it was and that without being breaded fish would stick to the grill.
Amazing how quickly a commercial grade disposal will eat up an eight ounce juice glass. Either I would have avoided ordering it or if it was pre-ordered I would have tried to figure out how to eat it and probably botched it in the process. You know that thing that happens when you keep repeating a word over and over again until it loses all meaning and starts to sound like alien sounds? That whole fish story did that for me. Nick Anderson Some time ago, I was working as a bartender at a high-end steak and seafood restaurant in western Massachusetts.
I get ten percent. Alan Chen I worked for Pizza Hut for two years as a delivery driver and never really got any weird customers.
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Alex Fregosi I work in a casual Mexican restaurant, doing everything from taking orders to waiting tables to cooking. Emily Taylor I recently went on a trip, in one of those organized tour groups with about a dozen other people. Peters My first and only restaurant job was during grad school. Share this post. Tobias B. Lord, what is with dumb people and garbage disposals? Aleria Snow. You have doors on your bathrooms? It sounds like his family was reason enough to divorce him. Frank The Rat. Why would anyone waste an entire piece of cake?
I hate when people do that. Frank Underboob. I was going to say the same thing about that assumption. Mmmm roast whole squab, another Cantonese delicacy! Meg Ruth King. This fish wow dude is like half of the kids in my class- I teach 4th grade. I found you again! Like itself — or himself? Holly Gofightly. Anything is better than Wonkette. Lambada A blend of "Stand and Deliver" with "Dirty Dancing" with a high school math teacher who spends his evenings doing lambada dance moves in night clubs. He appears to be a very dedicated teacher, and in The Land of No Shadow Claudy's regular characters, the brilliant Alan Kane and the brawny Ted Dolliver, journey into the fourth dimension in this pulpy SciFi story.
The tennis balls that journey into this trans-dimensional The Last Enemy In this BBC TV series, mathematician Stephen Ezard Benedict Cumberbatch returns home from China for his brother's funeral but finds himself caught up in two simultaneous stories of high level espionage The Last Magician Science-fiction story about a magician performing for aliens using a Klein bottle as a prop.
Left or Right Originally published in Esquire magazine in , this story about a space ship "flipping" through the fourth dimension has rarely been seen because Gardner later worried that it was physically inaccurate The Library of Babel Highly Rated! Years ago, I read The Library of Babel in a volume of collected short stories by [Argentinian] Jorge Luis Borges, published under the title, Labyrinths and translated from the [Spanish]. Like many The Light of Other Days Using the WormCam a camera sent through a wormhole in space-time , it is possible to witness any event that is taking or has taken place in the universe.
To the 8th Dimension - An Ayahuasca Tale – Aubrey Marcus
This makes privacy essentially an obsolete Lost A mathematically talented little girl from a mystical medieval realm is abused by her anti-intellectual father and unappreciated by a mean math teacher who insists that she show all of her work. When archaeological adventuring couple Remi and Sam Fargo come across an old ship's bell off the coast of Zanzibar, they discover that someone else doesn't want them to find it.
Eventually, their discovery This novel for middle school aged children seems at first rather similar to the Phantom Tollbooth, which was apparently a source of inspiration for its author. The plot is familiar: a boy and girl travel Lost in the Funhouse According to the "foreward to the Anchor Books Edition", this collection of short stories is "strung together on a few echoed and developed themes and [circles] back upon itself; not to close a simple The Magic Staircase A Mathematics professor develops a theory of "intra-dimensional" spaces, hypothesizing that the vast, empty spaces in atoms form a parallel dimension in which alternative histories of "what might have The Mathematicians of Grizzly Drive A detective story, in the "hard boiled" genre, featuring Eve Adam, a sexy nightclub performer who solves crimes in her free time.
In this story, she visits a house where mathematicians gather to entertain The Mathenauts Highly Rated! A hilarious story that plays with the mind-blowing idea that it may not be that mathematics describes reality, but instead that reality is mathematics. In the future presented by this story, only those Measuring the World Message Found in a Copy of Flatland This is the story that answers the age old question: "What if Flatland was in the basement of a Pakistani restaurant in London? The answer is scarier than you might think, especially when you realize Milo and Sylvie And part of a Zorn's Lemma proof is given explicitly.
Moebius In this Argentinian film, a mathematician discovers a bizarre topological explanation for the disappearance of a train in the labrynthian Buenos Aires subway system. Although based on the short story Moebius Trip Featuring an aging mirror-maker who is asked to create a mirror which acts like a moebius strip and shows a reflection of the past and the future.
Frankly, I did not think it was done well at all and In his presentation entitled "An Examination of Some Supposed Mathematical Impossibilities" before the Royal Society, Professor Marmion demonstrates that he can do three geometric constructions that mathematicians Murder, She Conjectured A police psychologist attending a conference in Cambridge, England is pulled into an unsolved murder mystery by her mathematician boyfriend. An important theme of the story is the oppresive sexism that The Murdered Mathematician This book is probably the least believable thing I've ever read, but lots of fun!
His father was a math professor Musgrave Ritual A tiny bit of mathematics is used by Sherlock Holmes to solve this mystery. In it, he ties together the disappearance of a housemaid, the discovery of the dead body of the chief butler and a strange poem Music of the Spheres The short stories in the anthology Mirror Shards all focus on augmented reality AR , the idea that our perception of the world around us will be fundamentally changed by the use of advanced technology Mysterious Mysteries of the Aro Valley A semi-serious Lovecraftian novel set in New Zealand's Te Aro suburb featuring some mystical mathematicians and questions of Platonism in a central role.
This sequel to the Danyl McLauchlan's "Unspeakable Narrow Valley This is a madcap story about a tract of land which is topologically folded through a shamanic incantation. Contains descriptions of some physical effects but explicitly states that the topological defect Naturally Double Whammy Fredric Brown, a prolific and acclaimed writer of mystery and science fiction stories and novels, was an extraordinary master of the short-short. The Next Dimension Once again, we are treated to the Flatland notion of two-dimensional creatures pondering a "hypothetical" three dimensional existence.
Many of the usual concerns No-Sided Professor Highly Rated! We all know that among the surprising things you learn when you first make a Mobius strip is the fact that out of a two sided piece of paper you can make an object with only one side. Why should this The Number of the Beast Engineer and physicist Jacob Burroughs invents a time machine which lets him travel to what we might consider "alternate universes". The underlying mathematics involves the notion that there are in Nuremberg Joys A mathematician is on trial for war crimes, regarding his role in developing an absolutely horrendous killing weapon based on sophisticated new physics.
Guilt or The Object This is a mathematical horror story, written by someone who doesn't like horror stories. Since I'm the author, I can honestly and humbly admit that the result is kind of weird. The plot concerns Occam's Razor Essentially, Duncan proposes the idea that True Reality evolves along Meta-Time which is broken up into smaller The One Best Bet The story is about an amateur detective who uses some elementary geometric triangulation to foil an assassination.
Part of a series of stories about detectives who use magic and religion published in Fantasy and Science Fiction magazine in the s, Operation Changeling later published in novelized form in Operation The Ore Miner's Wife A miner who spends his spare time secretly working on geometry problems arouses the suspicions of his God fearing wife when she comes upon his cryptic writings and follows him to a meeting with a visiting Our Feynman Who Art in Heaven A religious cult based on the Standard Model of high energy physics has its headquarters in a tesseract.
This story, which is certainly more physical than mathematical, appears in the "Plumage from Pegasus" column in the February issue of Fantasy and Science Fiction and is available for free at their website. The Pacific Mystery This starts as an alternate history short story, in which Lord Halifax became Prime Minister of England in and reaches an accommodation with Germany; Germany holds sway over Europe and Russia, Japan Panda Ray This science fiction novel is about a dysfunctional family of superbeings aliens?
It reminds me a bit of the writings of Stanislaw Lem, which is not Papos Any error below is likely to be a mistake that I made in attempting to translate it. This novel Paul Bunyan versus the Conveyor Belt A clever "twist" on the usual Mobius band story. Answers the age old question: How can you win lots of money betting against poor saps who don't understand topology? I use this story with children Perelman's Song Highly Rated!
It uses a conversation between gods manipulating universes in their hands to poetically inform A Piece of Justice The mathematics of tilings and quilting play background roles in this mystery in which a graduate student attempts to write a biography of the fictitious mathematician Gideon Summerfield. Pieces of Pi Plane People A space-operatic story which implements Edwin Abbott's world of Flatland. A perfectly flat comet strikes earth at a glancing angle and sheers off a very small part, including a few people, who discover The Planiverse: computer contact with a two-dimensional world In this modern take on the "Flatland" theme, some academics investigate the virtual two-dimensional world they have created inside a computer.
The sophisticated simulation includes sentient beings, one Pop Quiz An algebraic geometer is called in when messages from an alien spacecraft appear to be asking questions about projective varieties. Though it may at first appear to be another "mathematics as a common Practical Joke A very short story in which a knot theorist playing a practical joke on his overly serious son lies in both senses of the word on his deathbed and tells him "The solution to the Kaiserling Conjecture Pythagoras' Revenge: A Mathematical Mystery Freelance science journalist Sangalli has written a book which presents some historical information about Pythagoras and his beliefs in the form of a novel of the detail driven conspiracy theory adventure Pythagoras's Darkest Hour A humorous short story from the author of Mathematically Bent which tells the true story of the discovery of the Pythagorean Theorem.
Well, actually, perhaps it isn't exactly true Pythagorean Crimes Highly Rated! This murder mystery takes place amid the exciting developments occurring in the mathematical and artistic communities in Europe between and Much of what one will learn by reading this book The "Q. The Rapture of the Nerds This story is set in Stross's "Accelerando" series, due for publication in novel form in , offering a worm's eye view of the "Vinge singularity", the supposed moment in the coming decades The Remarkable Case of Davidson's Eyes Rather than seeing what is actually around him in England, Davidson sees events occurring on a rock off of the Antipodes Island.
The explanation offered includes the notion of non-flat geometries for Resolution This is the third and apparently final novel in the Nulapeiron sequence. In the first two we see Tom use his skills at fighting and mathematics called "logosophy" in the book as well as knowledge gained Riding the Crocodile The Rithmatist Geometric chalk drawings have magical power in this Harry Potter-like book for teens.
In fact, it takes place in an "alternate universe" where Earth's history is different. Since "Rithmatics" was discovered Robbins v. New York The author of the Mathematical Intelligencer's "Mathematically Bent" column has a talent for making me laugh, and this piece which has the US Supreme Court justices debating higher math and modern physics The Reverend Peter Hampson Ditchfield was the author of many novels and histories, including this odd piece that claims to be compiled from the lecture notes and diaries of a "lady professor", Rough Strife This is the story of the courtship, marriage and affairs of Ivan who works on the business side of the art world and Caroline a math professor.
Although there are plenty of clues to the knowledgeable Round the Moon Highly Rated! This early science fiction novel about space travel published originally in French, of course contains two chapters with explicit and very nice mathematical content. In Chapter 4 A Little Algebra Schild's Ladder Highly Rated! Far in the future, the mathematical theory of "quantum graph theory" is the theory of physics. Unlike the current theories of relativity and quantum physics, which are obviously approximations that The Secret Life of Amanda K.
Woods A preteen novel, obscurely set in the 50s, only skimmed by me. I was attracted by the Moebius strip on the cover of the Scholastic edition. It was a National Book Award finalist, I presume Seven Wonders The hero of this conspiracy theory adventure has -- or had -- a twin brother who was an anti-social, OCD math genius precisely following the standard literary stereotype. However, he was murdered after Shell Humanity, trapped and quarantined by the Xeelee in hyperspace see "Stephen Baxter - The Eighth Room" , live on a spherical world apparently surrounded by a huge shell.
The Shell harbors life and a group Simpsons Episode: Homer 3 In this segment from an episode of "The Simpsons" cartoon, Homer finds a portal to the third dimension while trying to hide from his sisters-in-law. This is a joke on the fact that they are usually Sir Cumference and the These are pun filled picture books. To be honest, they do not appeal to me at all; I would give them low ratings for both literary quality and mathematical content.
However, as you can see from the comments The Sirdar's Chess-Board A military bride travelling in Afghanistan is surprised when a mystic is able to cut up a chess board "with three snips of my scissors" and put it back together so that the number of squares has increased Solid Geometry This short story from McEwan's award winning first collection is about a man who learns some topology from his grandfather's journals Ignorant of any other planes, I was thrilled to gather the valuable lessons from my trips into the void like little gems to collect in a chest of knowledge.
So nothing could have prepared me for the DMT rocket-ship that blasted me straight out of the 5th, through the 6th, fueling up in the 7th, before finally delivering me into the heart of the 8th dimension… the realm of pure potentiality. It was this arrival to the penultimate plane that created a breach in reality from which I can never return. And the lucidity of my experience can never be taken from me, even if I am never able to return again. How did this all come about?
It was a combination of being the right person in the right place, with the right shaman, and benefiting from a healthy push from the benevolent forces that be. Here is how it all happened:. I had arrived in the Peruvian Amazon then motored 3 hours by canoe up the Madre De Dios river, a solid hundred miles from civilization.
I was generally warmly received, but there was something very different about me and was fairly self evident. While they brought extensive schooling, I brought a body that was fit to go to war and the experience earned from countless lonely voyages into the world beyond time. He had a reputation as the most terrifying and most traditional. That sounded like the kind of general I wanted leading me into battle with the unknown.
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I would later learn that his late grandfather who taught him from childhood was highly regarded as one of the most powerful Ayahuasqueros in the history of Peru. I can attest that the lineage did not lose strength as the generations passed. It was a long walk into our ceremonial hut, nestled on the fringe of the wild, and I was quiet. Many of my good-natured compatriots, carrying their bundles full of stones and sacred objects, laughed and joked along the way. I was impressed by their levity on the eve of such an experience.
Perhaps they are stronger than I anticipated? It was about when we got settled in, ten of us with mats, feet facing toward the center like spokes of a wheel. There were large, hosed down plastic bowls by our side. The generator shut down as soon as we were settled. The moonlight was blocked almost entirely by the jungle canopy above and with the lights off, it was cave-dark in the room. By a single candle, the Maestro called us up one by one, and poured the ayahuasca into a polished coconut husk.
It had the consistency of molasses mixed with earth, and a bitterness so strong it burned hot in your mouth. When we had all been dosed, he blew out the candle. Silence and darkness for thirty minutes, and then the first of the people started to rustle. It was mild at first… Nothing more than a burp, a shift, or the grumble of a stomach, all but drowned by the sound of the roaring jungle.
I smiled as I could start to sense the medicine working. My visions intensified and that sense of energetic activation I was familiar with came over me.
Then the puking started in the room. It was not the purging of a bulimic, carefully eliminating their stomach contents quietly and discreetly. This was the vomit of organs shedding the rot of years of diet soda, fake food, and poor exercise. It was violent and savage. Orlando increased the intensity of the icaros, adding his voice to the song and shaking a branch with leaves that sounded like the flapping of a hundred wings.
The woman to my right purged with a scream. I was jolted out of my trance with a sense that something was wrong. Then I could feel it… wetness seeping through my socks. She had puked on my feet instead of the bowl. With nothing to do about it and no use complaining, I peeled the wet, chunky wool from my feet and curled to the back of the mat.
I could feel my own organs squeezing in my stomach, but I had no urge to vomit… It would seem my mode of evacuation was destined for another path. Then the first chaos erupted in the room. An older woman to my left lost control of her internal monologue, and started speaking everything that came in her head. My own experience lived up to the reputation of the vine. Quickly visions of snakes entered my consciousness, and without warning savagely started working their way through my body, eating every piece of flesh they could find.
My chest heaved forward in spasms, working me into a sweaty lather, and destruction continued to close in around me. When the snakes were done I was sliding down vines of thorns, with the spikes ripping at my naked flesh I was particularly perturbed that I was naked in my visions, and uncomfortably had to witness the desecration of my manhood!
When the spikes were done it was insects burrowing into my skin and exploding when they entered my body. When I opened my eyes I could see large white anaconda encircling the hut and a vortex of energy twisting upward from the feet of Maestro Orlando. The visions were not so bad though, I was used to those… and my own experience had taught me simply to be a passive observer. My true test would come when the ayahuasca would use my own weaknesses against me.
I have been plagued with swollen lymph glands since contracting the immune virus Epstein Barr in high school. After my uncle died of lymph cancer and another my own age contracted the same, it has been a persistent but largely ignored fear. With crystal clarity I heard a voice tell me that I had cancer, and I was going to suffer and die within a year.
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For every reason I came up with why I was healthy, there was triple the assurance I was sick. I will live my final days with dignity, love my family, cherish my woman, and do as much as I can to contribute to the light of the world before I leave. As soon as I had finished that thought, the voice was gone. My chest stopped heaving, I felt my body melt into the earth, and despite the lady still wondering if she had shit herself… I was at peace.
Maestro Orlando came straight over when I had finished my ordeal. I sat up. He laughed a throaty chuckle, repeating the word muerto. He called me over to his seat, where he would give me the cleansing rites of the closing ceremony. It was there that he would begin the process to open the doors to the next dimensions. I knelt in front of him and could hear the crunching of the dried cinnamon sticks in his teeth.
He asked me to lean forward, and he opened the back of my shirt behind my neck. With force he blew a sonic boom of air down my back, and at that very instant I felt like I was on one of those carnival rides where the bungie cords stretch down and launch you upward into the sky. I was propelled into a world I did not understand. It was a maze of vibration and light, it was beautiful, powerful, and completely undecipherable. And just as quickly as I arrived, I was drawn back again into reality.
Three more sonic booms, on my chest, the top of my head, and my open palms and each time I had ten seconds of entry into another dimension.
I looked at Maestro Orlando, eyes wide like a stunned dear, and The Dragon just laughed again. I stumbled out of the hut, donating my vomit socks to the children of the jungle, took a 20 minute shit that made sounds I never knew to be possible, and drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. I woke the next morning after 6 hours of sleep and felt better than I had in 10 years.
A proverbial weight had been shed—I had energy to burn, I felt healthy, radiant, and enlightened. I ate the fresh organic meals prepared by the staff, wrote in my journal, went on a hike through the jungle and took a night to reflect on my experience. The legend of the Dragon had started to spread, as everyone in our hut that first night had died, dwarfing the collective experiences of the other Shamans in breadth and intensity. My intent was to experience the joy of life and push the boundaries of exploration as far as they could go. I learned a valuable tip from the most powerful non-ayahuasquero healer in the group, Dona Marcela, about how to open what is called the Wyracocha and use it as spiritual armor to prepare you for launch into the higher dimensions.
The number of people desiring to work with Maestro Orlando by the third night had doubled so we set up in a slightly larger room, closer to the lodges. I placed myself in a protected niche to avoid any vomit that might be ejaculated onto me by my ever-so-stalwart companions. I went up to the maestro before the session and told him one word.