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Gary Thomas. Matt Chandler. Henry Cloud. From the Publisher. Jim Daly, President of Focus on the Family "Gary Thomas has logged a lot of miles working with young men and women as they navigate the often difficult path to marriage in the 21st century. Includes guides and questions. Gary will guide you through the power shifts and seasonal mine fields that blow up so many marriages so that you can grow in your love instead of in your disappointment.
Review "Gary Thomas looks at the heart of a subject that many consider him an expert on—successful marriage. Read more. Print edition purchase must be sold by Amazon. Learn more. Thousands of books are eligible, including current and former best sellers. Look for the Kindle MatchBook icon on print and Kindle book detail pages of qualifying books.
Excerpts from The Sacred Search
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Write a customer review. Customer images. See all customer images. Read reviews that mention gary thomas must read sacred search highly recommend great book every single getting married kingdom of god end of each chapter thought provoking years ago seek first the kingdom single person dating and marriage easy to read ever read considering marriage christian singles reading this book questions at the end. Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now.
Please try again later. Format: Paperback Verified Purchase. This book is written to singles contemplating marriage, to a good partner! It is written by a Christian husband and father using principles from the Bible as a guide. If you seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness Matthew and let this principle undergird your decision regarding whom you choose to marry and refuse to compromise on that, you will increase the likelihood of a much more fulfilling, spiritually enriching, and overall more satisfying marriage.
Being "in love" is not a reliable criterion for marrying someone. Women are more likely to experience romantic love with dominant men, even though dominant men typically demonstrate less ability to express the kind of companionship, relational skills, and emotional attachment that women ultimately desire in a lifelong mate. If you simply follow your feelings, you are more likely fall in love with a guy who will thrill you for twelve to eighteen months as a boyfriend and then frustrate you for five to six decades as a husband.
The average life span of infatuation is two years. There were some interesting bits at the beginning about infatuation and intimacy and being cautious about the way you enter into a romantic relationship. Then it all fell apart. I can't tell you how many times the author said "I'm not an expert, but And a lot of the advice is rubbish. I'll just briefly list a few things I didn't like.
So many generali This book started out promising. This book was pages, and it could have been like 80 pages. Contradictory advice! A lot of it! Appealing to my future children. I'm not ready to think about having kids! Stop bringing them into this! If the man I marry is suitable for me, he'll be suitable for our kids! My gosh! Treating me like an idiot. So much of this book was describing horrible jerks and then saying "Don't marry someone like this.
I don't need to be told not to marry someone who is selfish or violent or proud. This book makes me sad because people will read it and think that it's a godsend. It's not. It's a lot of ideas and traditions that really messed up my perceptions about dating and marriage as a teenager, but it was published in I should write a book. Nov 10, Rachel rated it it was amazing Shelves: orthopraxy , marriage , audiobooks , favorites. I think every single person should read this book. Nov 19, Nikki rated it did not like it Shelves: christian.
Oh, you guys.
If only you knew the number of times I wanted to throw this book across the room. I know this book is beloved by many and my opinion is the minority. But I'd plead with you to read it critically. But here are my thoughts: Optimists and romantics beware. This is not the book for you. It will crush you. This is a man with one cold, Oh, you guys. According to him, don't even think about waiting for God's will or leading in finding a mate. You need to go out and make it happen! There is no one right person out there for you.
God doesn't care who you pick as long as they are a christian and you can focus on a mission together. It's all on you, Baby! What does the bible have to say about it? Well it doesn't matter because you aren't an important character in the bloodline of Jesus so old testament stories don't usually apply to you.
I truly disliked this book. Friends, I found this book deceptive and contradictory. Even the tag line is deceptive. The tag line should really be "How to be incredibly picky about the person you marry, and still probably end up in a devastating marriage". This book peddles fear and there is very little weight given to the redemptive power of Jesus's forgiveness and grace if your have a sexual history or struggle[d] with porn, good luck with chapter 15! The author encourages you to ask many good questions about the person you hope to marry, but he also makes sweeping claims that he a is unqualified to make He is not a trained counselor.
He is a pastor and public speaker. Don't forget that. He frequently says "one study shows For all we know, he has made up these "facts" or misinterpreted the findings. At the very least, this is a form of plagiarism.
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Don't get me wrong, there was A LOT of good in this book, and it asked a lot of important questions. Questions you really should ask yourself about the person you hope to marry. But you can find all of that good stuff in other christian relationship books too. Books that are a little more centered on the bible, accurate research and vulnerable testimony. This book doesn't have those things. If you choose to read this one, read it critically, with good biblical knowledge, and with an understanding that this is mostly one man's often stereotypical opinions and interpretations. Happy reading friends!
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Jun 11, Sarah Mosconi rated it it was amazing. Honestly, wow.
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The stories that Gary Thomas shared were relatable and insightful. I was gut-punched a time or two and I think my favorite aspect of this book was Thomas constantly pointing back to Jesus. Aski Honestly, wow. Asking for His guidance, following His examples, loving like He would love, etc Mar 19, K rated it it was ok. I received this book free from the publisher, David C Cook, through Netgalley.
The first several chapters of this book are excellent and thought provoking. My first thought was that my sons need to read this book when they come of dating age. There is so much wisdom packed into these first few pages it makes the rest of the book that much more disappointing. The author begins to fall into gender stereotypes pretty quickly.
These are popular in many Christian circles but can be pretty damaging. In the section, a gorgeous mistake, the author seems to imply women are out there to lure good Christian men into sin. In the section on marriage styles he implies any style that women may be more prone to is negative, while explicitly stating he isn't trying to judge. Furthermore, the condescension in the book becomes distracting the further into it I read. I don't understand why Christian authors so often feel the need to place themselves on a pedastal.
As stated at the beginning of my review, there is lots of good stuff in this book and I agree with his premise. A serious rewrite with an eye to a more journalistic writing style would make this book a must read for anyone considering marriage. Nov 27, Hannah Needham rated it did not like it Shelves: I genuinely hated this book. I kind of hated this book. Gary Thomas thinks that too many people base who they marry on romantic feelings or waiting for God's will, leading to marriages that are doomed to fail.
Instead one should marry someone who has the qualities that are most desirable in a spouse. He begins the book by outlining the difference between infatuation and love. I actually really liked this bit. I felt like he went a bit far but it was still a good reminder. He then addresses singleness.
According to Thomas, if I kind of hated this book. According to Thomas, if you are in your late twenties or older and are unmarried it is almost certainly because you are sinfully lazy and selfish. While he admits that theoretically someone could be "called to singleness" he dismisses it as less than a tenth of the population. Singleness is a time of your life in which you should look for a spouse.
If you are single and not actively looking for a spouse, you are practicing the sin of sloth. Thomas does not see any value in singleness that is not improved by being married. But I honestly don't think you're missing out on all that much. It's a matter of personal preference, but if you're committed to living a God-honoring life - no sex before marriage, no drunkenness, not wasting gobs of time on meaningless entertainment some downtime is of course appropriate , what is marriage holding you back from?
As a single man in his late twenties, this attitude bothers me. One of the reasons I am not married is because I wanted to go to school and pursue my Masters' degree and I wanted to go and do long-term oversees missions wherever and whenever God called me. Yes, I could do these things married, but it is easier not to. There are far more single women on the mission field than there are single men and I don't think attitudes like that of Gary Thomas are helping with this.
The remainder of the book consists of descriptions of what kind of qualities you should be looking for in a future spouse. Similarly to I Kissed Dating Goodbye , Thomas believes that dating should not be about building a relationship or having fun. But it's not real life; it's often not even real relating. It's just playing. It doesn't tell you squat about how a man could face a medical or vocational crisis, what kind of courage a woman has, what values each person lives by, or what spiritual pursuit drives the other person.
Instead you find out that you both like vegetables on your pizza and movies that have a plot - that's something, I guess, but it's not much on which to base a lifetime decision" p. What dating should be, according to Thomas and Harris , is evaluating whether the other person is worthy to be your spouse and the parent of your children. If your girlfriend has different views of what your married life should look like, you should break up with her.
If she has any sort of character flaws, you should break up with her. If her family has a history of mental illness or addictions, you should break up with her. If she doesn't have lots of strong friendships, you should break up with her. If her parents don't seem like they'd be amazing Christian grandparents for your future children, you should break up with her.
If she acted significantly differently in a negative manner when she was younger, you should break up with her. If she ever struggled with sexual sin, you should break up with her. If she wants to wait to discern whether God really wants you to get married, you should break up with her. This book is based on fear. Assume that your boyfriend or girlfriend is not honest with you, assume that they're a worse person than they seem, and assume that they will be less loving and more distant after you marry them.
Your marriage is going to be really hard so try and find the perfect spouse so you have a chance of getting through it. And even if you marry the perfect person, they might change completely several years down the road and destroy your marriage. Oh and not getting married isn't an option either. At the end he does acknowledge grace and that God will be there for you no matter who you choose, but by that point it was too little too late. View all 11 comments.
Jan 07, Sarah rated it really liked it Shelves: list. Show related SlideShares at end. WordPress Shortcode. Published in: Education. Full Name Comment goes here. Are you sure you want to Yes No.
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