Di, Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with our blog community. It takes a lot of courage to decide to reach out for help. If you are considering leaving an abusive partner, it is really important to take any steps you can to do it in the safest way possible. The internet may not be the safest way to communicate about these things. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and advocates on the Hotline could safety plan with you about how to leave safely.
We can also look for local domestic violence programs that may be able to help. He is very mean to me and my little girl. He yells and swears at us. He spank her and tell her to do as he says. She is to little to defend herself. Everything must be done his way if not his way he will threaten us. I always must consult what to do like i cannot make my decisions on my own. I worked i had to give up my jobs cause of him we have 2 children different age and they go to different schools. And if i need money even for my women things i must tell him for what.
One time he got very angry and because i remind him that i was one who helped him survive through his job loss and asked quit tell me what to do and remind me that you pay bills. I said to him if you not appreciate that people done for you …he said that was in the past. I said that i will divorce him. I have no family here and nowhere to go. I daughter of preschool age and no job. Now he is gone out of town i have peace. But still fell anxious cause he will be back tomorrow. I want to be strong to overcome manipulations, he always blame everything on me even something he did in the past. Everything my fault!!
That he cannot make enough to pay bills. He would rather make girls ride bikes in the rain then loose opportunity to make money. Money for him more important than family. We have a 6 month old Baby boy.. It started out with him throwing things at me to throwing me against The wall to slapping and scratching.. He hits me with our son in My arms and slams me on the floor…kicksme!
Things like if I dont remember where we parked or If I like today cleaned the whole house up.. He wanted left overs but I wanted to cook because there were not enough left overs for the both of us so he jumped at me saying he is not coming home to this shit.. I was dumbfounded why he would say that because I bend over backwards to show him we appreciate him working and letting me stay home.
He makes remarks about how he pays for everything. And acts like I should be so thankful when he buys me stuff like clothes I need after having a baby but yet he does not want me to have a job!! It has only happened about once a month sometimes less sometimes more. Am i doing something wrong? I have been dating since 15 and never been hit before.
I admit that when he hits me.. I have never hit anyone in my life until about the 5th time he hit me I started to do it back. I am a new immigrant in US coming from an Asian country. Last June 7 around 2pm after a long silence I asked him if we have no Internet or did he turned it off…he told me that he would even get my phone cut so I questioned him why coz its my only way of communicating with my relatives.
Until we reached the point of me leaving but he threatened me that I could not bring my daughter with me. He threatened me that if ever I leave with my daughter he will file a kidnapping case against me. I am helpless I love my daughter very much. I have no plans of causing trouble with the father of my daughter but since I am new here consider me ignorant with your law. It is common for an abusive partner to use the threat of kidnapping to keep you from leaving him. He does not have the right to control you or hit you.
It sounds like he cut off the Internet and the threat to cut off your phone to isolate you away from your family; and to show you he has the power and control. You do have rights. We are not legal advocates but can get you some phone numbers to legal counsel. It sounds like you are in a very scary environment.
You are not doing anything to warrant being physically and verbally hurt. He is making the choice to hit and yell at you rather than treat you with love and kindness. You do not deserve to be hit, ever. It sounds like you are hitting back because you are angry and frustrated from the abuse. There is a difference between hitting someone out of control and power and hitting out of defense. You are right to be concerned for your son, because children as young as one can be impacted by an abusive household. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am sure it took a lot of courage to contact us and verbalize what is happening.
An advocate will be able to help you explore your options and give you referrals in your area. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and voice what is happening to you. The threat to hurt you and put you in the hospital is very serious. You do not deserve to be treated with hurtful words and threats of violence. It is common for an abusvie partner to manipulate the situation and blame everything on you. It is part of the need to have power and control over you. Even though you are not a documented resident, you have rights. An advocate would be able to offer you guidance and support, as well as, numbers for local resources such as shelter, legal advocacy, and counseling.
I was in your place not to long ago. Thankfully I have family miles away from my sons father. I moved after dealing with the Abuse for two years. I applied for financial aid and went to college. I got so many grants that I was able to buy a cheap car. You can even live at college with children! Far away! It will never change. I tried four years later to make it work with my sons father. Long story short 3 weeks later the abuse started all over again, so I moved back home. I still deal with the abuse.
I have panic attacks and anxiety but I am planning on working with someone to help get over it. Again, please leave! Thanks for responding. I just want to know if i will be charged for calling the number you gave me since I am jobless right now. I was in an abusive realationship for two years. This was a few years ago. I still have panic attacks, anxiety and depression.
Why cant I move on? Is there free help to help cope? I always feel sad and alone. What can I do to feel better? Just emotionally or verbally? Any others? Seems to me that none of the wives in the news murdered lately have been known to be beaten. But our friends think I make it all up. My husband would refuse to talk for up to a week and i could see the anger continue to burn that whole time.
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Is it just his game or is there real danger? You said you are suffering from depression and anxiety. I was assaulted by my boyfriend i was separated from my husband. We dated for 2 years. Anyway he went crazy one night and well the rest is history. He got off with a year probation. Anyway at first I was just missing him thats crazy I know.
But now i am having severe dpression and anxiety on top of the fact I want to punish him in a million ways. This happened 9 months ago but I simply cant get over it. Thank you for your question and for sharing a part of your story with our blog community. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is a toll free number However, the number may show up on phone bill and if you are using a cell phone it might use minutes to call it all depends on your phone provider. You will not have to pay to call us from a pay phone. You might also consider having one of your relatives call us on your behalf.
A Hotline Advocate could talk with them and provide them information and resources as well. What you are experiencing is common for abuse survivors. Reaching out for help takes courage, so thank you for posting here in our Share Your Voice Blog community. If you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline a Hotline Advocate can talk with you about what you are experiencing and offer suggestions on coping skills and self care ideas. A Hotline Advocate can also see what resources might be in your area, as many times local domestic violence agencies offer counseling or support groups for free or a very low cost.
Emotional and verbal abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Listening to your instincts is very important since unfortunately there is no way to know for sure what someone who is abusive is capable of. Often people outside of the relationship have a hard time understanding what is going on inside of the relationship, especially because abusers can be so charming.
Remember that you do deserve support! You may call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at A Hotline Advocate can talk with you about your specific situation and offer support, resources and safety planning. Thanks for sharing your story with our blog community. You have every right to be angry about what happened to you! Every person is different, so the key is finding what is most helpful for you.
Remember that healing from abuse takes time. The same as a body has to heal physically; it also has to heal emotionally. If you are interested in support groups or counseling in your area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at and an Advocate can see what may be available in your local area. An Advocate can also offer emotional support as you continue on your healing journey. This is such a powerful story! Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community!
Thank you for sharing such a painful experience. I have been married for 6 years to a very emotionally -and on about 3 occassions, physically — abusive man. I identified with what you said about not realIzing until after you left, how throughly he abused you. I was doing so much better at work , people noticed, my son was happier, etc.
But, I went back. Literally the first night I came home, he picked a fight, shoved me next to the stairs, threatened my son by getting in his face , etc. I vowed to keep track of alll the ways he hurt me, my kids, made our lives worse, until I could get us a place to stay. Then, he asks nice. I forget. Everyone knows it, he says. The other thing you wrote which touched me is about going to court and the judge siding with his lies.
Thank you! I will try and call. I feel at home and at work as though I am an actress having to portra a happy normal person. Writing about it definitely helped me. I was married for more than five years to an emotionally, verbally and physically abusive man. I kept a journal of the abuse during the marraige and year after I left him I created a blog to tell my story. It was very cathartic. I still have to deal him and I still write everything down in a journal to track it should I need some ammunition in the future, and I periodically update the blog with his bad behavior.
Keeping the journal and seeing just how bad it was and sometimes stil is always solidfies my decision to get out and stay out. Isabelle, Thank you for sharing your experience with the Share Your Voice blog community. Stories of triumph can be very powerful for victims to hear. Proof that it is possible to get through such a terrible ordeal and come out stronger on the other side. Keep sharing your story and encouraging others to break free. I am home safe but I think back to what I endured and how stress and anxiety it caused.
Educating myself about domestic violence has given me peace. I was also in an addictive relationship, I would follow this guy around like a puppy most days. I knew I could no longer handle this within my myself and needed to reach out today. I blocked him again and promise i will not unblock him!
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I am in an abusive relationship, have been now for 23 years …….. I am inspired by the stories. I recently got out of an abusive relationship and hopefully he will get the hint and finally leave me alone. I am so tired of living with the stalking behavior. I will spare you all the story, as I know that i am a strong woman and am making all the right steps….
My confidence and self esteem has suffered and I feel so isolated now because I moved and everything. I would love to find a support group or something. Does anyone have any other ideas on how I can find some support in my area. I really feel like I need to talk to someone and maybe join a group to make some new friends or something who can relate. I am focused on moving forward, but doing it alone is getting hard. I appreciate any suggestions. Thank you for sharing your story on our Share Your Voice Blog community. In an abusive relationship it is not the victims vault.
Abusive people are focused on manipulating the victim to get power and control. An advocate can talk with you about your story and may also be able to provide you with local resources if needed. Thank you for sharing your idea in our Share Your Voice Blog community. You may call and talk with an advocate anytime that you need support. Advocates may also be able to locate support groups in your area if you feel like that would be helpful as well. Many survivors find support groups helpful for some of the same reasons that you mentioned.
If you are a parent you might also consider checking out cafemom. Thank you for commenting in our Share Your Voice Blog community. An advocate may be able to see if there is something in your area better suited to what you need. Advocates are also there to offer emotional support whenever you need it. Additionally, sometimes local shelters will know of support groups in the area or therapists who run low cost or free support groups. You may also consider calling to find out if there is any type of free or low cost insurance plan offered in your county.
Depending on where you live that may be an option. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get out of an abusive relationship and you deserve support as you move forward. Even if I contact the same one, I have to go thru the whole thing over and over again. I have a 4yr old and I want this to be as less traumatic as possible to him. I need help getting out!
I finally left 2 weeks ago. I am a young 52 years, but I feel so old. Maybe this will help one person save herself. I remarried this person after a divorce and countless promises 6 years ago, only for it to get increasingly more abusive. I have yet to see a promise honored, or the abuse stop.
All at once or singularly. Daily, monthly, hourly…when you least expect it. But mainly when you think things are going so good. The pain and heartache. The sadness and shame. I am an intelligent, capable, articulate, attractive lady, that feels so much shame for allowing myself to return and stay so long with this abusive, destructive, manipulative man. My children are grown so that is not my excuse. He likes to say he is better than me and that he knows my weaknesses. My husband plays the sympathy, feel sorry for me card. Like somehow it was my fault.
He knows I take my marriage vows seriously, and he uses that. I start feeling like a failure, again. Not wanting to be a failure is a very strong emotion in women like me. Lack of financial freedom, job, or fear of the unknown can be emtionally crippling. I told myself I could handle it, that I had survived it before. It is easier to numb yourself to the hurt and disappointment than to acknowledge what is really happening. The humiliation can be unbearable. The fear of loss paralyzing. Free yourself by loving yourself again. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are loved.
By God, by you, by others in your life. It is a start, and you have to start somewhere. The following helped me to see things in a different light: A scientist put frog 1 in a pan of hot water and the frog immediatly jumped out because it was unatural and uncomfortable. Not the right enviroment. He then put frog 2 in a pan of lukewarm water and the frog remained in the water, because it was tolerable. The scientist gradually increased the heat of the water and the frog adapted to the changing temperature over a period of time, until the water boiled and killed the frog.
You cannot trust the person that is abusing you. They lie for their own power over you. Control gives them a sense of empowerment, and they are not comfortable with it being any other way. Walk away any way you can. Gather all your inner strength, your voice and the survivor skills God gave you.
It may well be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will also be the most respectful and empowering thing you will ever do. I have had 2 counseling sessions. But I refuse to give the time I have left on this earth to a man that is so disrespectful and abusive. Freedom to live and be myself is power enough. Right now. Di, I too had a hard time getting the help I needed. My best friend went to her gyno appointment and she gave her a couple of numbers for local help that was very discreet. It was a domestic violence counselor that helped me.
I called her for advice and I now go to her for therapy. It helped me just knowing I could go there if needed. You might call a doctors office for women and see if they have any telephone numbers or organizations that can help you or look under the yellow pages for domestic violence counselor where you live and ask for advice. Be safe and I pray for you to get help. Living through what you have experienced is incredibly difficult and my heart goes out to you. But first and foremost you must forgive yourself for making the mistake of accepting this man back in your life and allowing him to hurt you again.
All of us who have lived through these kinds of abuse have made the mistake of loving the wrong people too much. And these types of men can be very attractive, kind, generous and appealing when they choose to be but yes they all have that evil underside that you mentioned that does inevitably surface. But the biggest mistake we women make is not loving ourselves enough to recognize that the first time we see this side of them should be the very last time we allow them in our lives.
We should run like hell and teach our daughters to do the same. We do not deserve such treatment. Embrace your freedom and your new stronger self. I wish you the best!! Your words are like a flashback of my life, marriage and situation. After 22 years I walked away with my 12 yr old daughter and have never looked back. The thing that finally convinced me to leave was when he started attacking my spirituality and faith. I then realized that instead of praying for resolution and healing of a marriage that was more hell than anything else, I prayed for strength to leave. I have never felt such peace and tranquility as when I finally got away from all that drama.
Good luck to you in the future!!! It can be very difficult to have to continually retell your story. However, because the Hotline is confidential and annoyomous you would have to retell your story each time you call, but please remember that it is your story to tell and that you are welcome to share as much or as little as you feel is appropriate. Thank you for sharing a part of your story with our Share Your Voice Blog community.
It sounds like you are in a scary situation. You are right; abuse can sometimes cause anxiety and depression. You deserve better than how you are being treated and you deserve to be happy. The frog analogy is a great analogy for how abusive people work to get power and control in a relationship. Thank you for sharing it. Abusers are unfortunately often great manipulators and it sounds like you experienced a lot of abuse and manipulation in the past 13 years. Leaving an abusive relationship can take a great deal of strength and courage and I am glad that you were able to get out safely.
Healing from an abusive relationship takes time but it sounds like you have taken the steps to start your healing journey. Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement with others in our Share Your Voice Blog community. I really so deeply appreciate this post. I left my husband 5 years ago, and have been in counseling that entire time.
I know now that my husband was very violent with my children, but hid it from me…I had no idea the level of violence going on behind closed doors. Two of my children now grown, who told me their stories 5 years ago said that they did not expect to live to grow up. Where were you????!!! I am now reconciled with all but one of the 4 kids…at this point, being 60, and right now on unemployment, it is so hard to grasp I am really alone. I am really on my own.
I have PTSD which makes works sometimes profoundly challenging. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here…. I was looking for quotes on domestic violence to help me stay grounded in this most recent stage of renewed fear that I cannot make it on my own. These were my favorites — I hope they will encourage others:. Staying safe is just as important after leaving as during the relationship…Trust your instincts — you know yourself and your situation better than anyone, do what you think is best. Give yourself time and space — recovery is hard so go easy on yourself.
Even though it was an abusive relationship, it is still a loss. You are allowed to feel what you feel at your pace. Gavin De Becker. In relationships there are just some things that are just drop-dead deal-breakers. Drug addiction. Mental, physical, verbal abuse.
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Those are deal-breakers. That you can predict that this is going to be different than it was before. Dr Phil. Hi tracie my name is Jen-first time on this site and after two hours of reading all these different women talk about their personal experience it all was pretty much the same basic statement. Which I get it-its what ties us all together,right? I better stop i am gettin worked up-and if it helps darlin, I believe you! Im 23 years old and have been in an abusive relationship for 2 years now.
After having my lip split multiple times and my hand and wrist broke I have now decided to fight back. I used to be the happiest person that you would of ever met, had tons of friends had a genuine love for life and everyone and always saw the good in people….. He is; mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I would never let my worst enemy go thru what I am rights now. I have been offered every way out possible that there is yet I take none of them.
I stay in this abusive relationship and try everything possible to make him love me. I hate myself anymore……how do I get the strength to leave him even though I love him? My heart goes out to you — It is so, so, so hard to leave when you love him. I relate — deeply. Good job taking care of you, by reaching out and posting this part of your story. Your presence matters in this world. You are not alone… stay safe. Cindy, Thank you so much for sharing your story with our blog community. We hope that our readers find this is a place to be able to share words of encouragement and experiences with each other.
We know that it takes time, and that talking about it can help. Jenny, Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. Sally, Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. No one deserves to be abused like this. You care about this person. They may have even promised before that they would be different or that they would not hurt you again. I have a lot of concerns for your safety. It is completely up to you what you want to do, but if you decide to stay in this relationship, how can you stay safe in the meantime?
Are there times when you can tell that things are getting escalated, and maybe have a plan for those times? Call us any time that you have a safe chance. Thank you. I am a domestic violence survivor. I am currently being treated for PTSD because of this. I have physical issues from the abuse that I will have to live with the rest of my life. It has greatly affected my children as well.
The truth is there is not a lot of financial help for survivors and it is very difficult to get out of. I wish there were more programs to assist victims. Sure you can get counselling, but what about the other stuff. Rita, Thank you for reaching out to the Share Your Voice blog. You have the right to end the relationship if you want to. Have you thought about getting a protective order at this point? We are available 24 hours a day, and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could talk to you about local services for help and also safety plan with you about dealing with your ex.
Lori, Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. There are a lot of different reasons why someone may stay in that situation. A lot of programs these days have had their funding cut, and what we know is that oftentimes there may be more demand for resources, than there are resources to fill those. If you ever need someone to talk to, you are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at We definitely understand that it takes time and support to heal from abuse.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have fallen victim to the legal system that is very corrupt. I am going through my second summer with my kids with him — not being able to call since June 15th — as their dad has recieved text and phone messages to have them call me. Does anyone have any good websites I could go to in order to retain a really good lawyer at low fees — I do not qualify for legal aid — due to the fact I own my home.
I refuse to take loans out against the home as this could be a trap for financial abuse — all I want is justice — served upon a man who continues not to speak to me unless it involves his attorney — at a fee — Really???? I have decided attorneys fees will now be college fund fees. It is ridiculous what has been spent thus far. Thank you for sharing in our blog community. It is clear from your post how much you care about your children. You might also consider contacting local domestic violence shelters in your specific area and asking if they know of good custody lawyers who have helped other victims.
If you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at an advocate can look up local domestic violence agency referrals for you and also talk with you more specifically about your situation and may be able to suggest additional ideas and resources. The fact that every article on domestic violence emphasizes repeatedly than men can be victims of women too is really misleading and is giving a lot of abusers the opportunity to beat the living daylights out of terrified pregnant women who are physically weaker than them, and then pretend to be the victim while calmly cooly talking to undereducated police officers.
Meanwhile the woman is crying hysterically not knowing if the baby she tried to protect is alive or dead. It happened to me, and to the DV advocate I talked to too. But almost all of those cases are dropped when they are determined to be self-defense. But they will try to trick you into pleading guilty at the arraignment.
Especially when the husband has a long history of violent crime like mine did and I never got so much as a traffic ticket. Now he has control of my pets which he has abused and all my stuff he likes to destroy to torture me. If I break the no-contact order to save my pets or for any other reason then he can do anything he wants to me without consequence. Homicide is the leading cause of death for pregnant women. Even men who never previously abused can bcome physical when a woman becomes pregnant. Your post was edited to remove your last name. From what you shared it certainly sounds like you have been through a great deal and did not get the support that you deserved from the police or the court system.
Yes, you are correct that men who have never been physically abusive before can become so when a woman becomes pregnant. And yes, you are also correct that there are more female victims than male victims; statistically 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in their life, as will 1 in 9 men. You deserve help and support and if you would like to talk about what you have been through, you may call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at Advocates are available to offer support and may also be able to connect you with additional resources to assist you.
You can do this. I can totally relate to your comments and how you feel. Your feelings are valid honey. They always are. That gave me much strength in taking all the actions necessary to get away. But you CAN take actions that are align with taking great care of yourself. You cannot do anything to change him and make him be any different. But you can stop volunteering to be around to take the abuse. When I feel sad and weak, I simply tell myself… Nope, I will not volunteer for abuse anymore.
Each day, I regain trust in myself and self esteem. You CAN heal your relationship with yourself, rather than try to heal your relationship with him. When you do this, your self hate dimishes. You start to heal. And start to feel better about yourself because you will finally be treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Is it easy? Not everyday. I wish it was. But you CAN do it. And I promise that it will get easier. And you will find the love in yourself that you are so seeking from him. I wish that I could leave my number or something for you to contact me, cause I can be your cheerleader.
Just know.. And you gotta start by giving it to yourself. It is like a cold bucket of water to the face when you think of it like that. You are a beautiful soul who should be cherished and held softly in someones heart. I understand your pain all too well and can relate to taking him back, convinced he changed. I took my boyfriend back after he spent 18 mo in jail for brutally attacking me. He convinced me that it was drug and alcohol abuse and blackouts that caused his numerous and last near fatal attack on me.
I am not disabled as he is and I have a job I love as the assistant director of a rehabilitation program. I tried real hard to help him, did everything in my power to give him a nice life without demanding anything from him aside from sobriety. The tension was building and he left several times in this period for days however he was building his own story. So again I give in and the court date nears and I am on heightened alert. Three weeks ago he had a friend over and he was drinking vodka so I went to bed putting my bureau in front of the door thinking I would be safe…He busted in and attacked me and because his phone rang and my door to the lower level locks opposite and I hid my second phone on me I was able to dial He is back in jail?
I had to file a harassment charge on his brother recently as well for calls and vulgar text msg. It is serious as you say and I wish you safety and wellness. Hi all, My name is Ngoc. My husband sponsered me to come here 7years, and now I got 2 kids. I stay at home take care of kids. My husband told me when the kids go to kindergarten, i will go to school, but now my kids go to kindergarten, he breaks his promise.
He told me i go to school he does not pay money, i have to work and help him pay car and bils. He told me in this country doesn;t need knowlege. My situation is complicated. My husband has rages where he gets so angry. He has not physically touched me in anger but he has yelled at me, called me a bitch, etc. We have a son and he can rage at him. I get this sinking feeling. He witholds sex, love, and affection. He got so mad once that he told our little one something so hurtful. The other night at family dinner I was talking and he yelled at me and told me to shut up at the table.
He has put holes in walls at our home, holes through windows, and holes through windshields. I told him I wanted to leave once and he said if I did he would kill him self and that that would be on me. The complication is that he has a diagnosed mental health issue- he is bipolar.
Thank you for showing your support for our Share Your Voice bloggers. Everyone finds their strength to move forward from an abusive relationship in their own way. It sounds like you found a mantra that works for you, but might not work for others. Nobody deserves to be hurt, whether verbally, emotionally, or physically.
You are right that a batterer has a choice in how he treats his partner; he can choose to treat her with love and kindness or with abuse. I am glad you found the courage to leave your relationship. It seems you have found a way to heal that works for you. You have gone through so much. It is normal for a caring and compassionate person to want to help someone with substance abuse issues even if they realize that they are being hurt by that individual. He is abusive and having substance abuse issues is not an excuse to harm you, ever. It sounds like you were walking on eggshells and changing who you are to keep him from having explosive moments against you.
It is normal to want to keep the hurtful moments at bay, but as you saw, no matter how much you changed yourself, he still found a reason to hurt you. He is being very manipulative in telling you how much he misses you and wanting to be back together with you. I am glad you are working with a therapist as you heal. Pamela, I have been with my boyfriend for a year now I am 23 years old and we live together. Nothing has ever gotten physical but there have been many times where he has yelled at me and thrown this at me or across the room.
I have started to finally realize that something might be wrong, I have no self confidence, my relatonship with my parents has been not so much ruined but its changed and I barely have any friends every time im on the phone he thinks its another guy. He tells me he can talk to me however he wants and last night he got mad because I walked in from work and he wanted me to go get something out of the car and i didnt do it quick enough so he started freaking out.
Whenever we try to talk he doesnt listen to me he just says ok cool get the F away from me but when he wants to talk he makes me listen he says he doesnt want to hear about my day or anything going on because all he can hear is me complaining even when its just me saying how my day was at work. Last night he threw beer cans full across the living room and started punching things and got in my face because i was on the phone with my cousin so i called the police but they couldnt do anything because he didnt hit me.
He makes me feel like everythings my fault and says if i didnt make him mad he wouldnt yell I dont know what to do anymore I feel lost and afraid but the police said even though its my home because he has lived with me for the past few months I cannot kick him out so what do i do!? Kendra, My boyfriend lived with me in my home for two years as well. The police should have offered him an alternate place for him to go on those times you called because it is so dangerous after you call the police and to be left with him resenting that. My story is in here as well and the advice to keep him away from your home is a restraining order then you may need to seek advice from the probate court.
Do not tell your boyfriend anything you are planning even if you think he will listen. They are very convincing and manipulative. If he is throwing things and scaring you the police should have charged him if they saw evidence upon their arrival. In May my boyfriend was summons to court after I called them due to him throwing a glass across the kitchen in a fit of unprovoked rage.
Not that we provoke their rage. He was not here when they arrived however they called him and let him know that they were issuing a summons as throwing the glass which was evident…there was glass everywhere…is an assault putting me in fear. They also asked him not to come home that night or he would be arressted if I called them again.
I would go to the court and see a victim advocate a. Best to you…stay strong. Value your life and safety you are worth it. Ngoc, Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. I can understand why you would be disappointed at not being able to achieve your goal of going to school here.
The internet may not always be the safest way to talk about these things, so when you get a safe chance, I would encourage you to call and talk with someone here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are a safe, anonymous and confidential hotline, who talks to people dealing with abuse in their relationships. An advocate on the Hotline could talk to you in more depth about abuse, and maybe also about a couple of options for getting some support. M, Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. It takes a lot of courage to talk about abuse like this and to reach out for help.
It does not matter if he is not putting his hands on you, he is still doing really scary, aggressive things that make you feel unsafe. There is a lot of manipulation and blaming going on as well. One really common threat that we hear abusers make is to harm themselves if you ever try to leave. I also wanted to you know that no matter what mental health diagnosis he has, he never has the right to treat you, or your son, like this. His bipolar behavior may exacerbate the abuse, but it does not excuse it. There are plenty of people out there who are bipolar, yet whom do not chose to abuse their partner.
We are anonymous and confidential, and are a safe place to talk about it. Kendra, Thank you for sharing your story with our Share Your voice blog community. Abuse is about having power and control, and there are many abusive behaviors your boyfriend uses to maintain that control. He is chosing to treat you this way. That must be so scary to have to see him acting out like that. Also, document everything. We are always available and are completely anonymous and confidential. Hi…first time on here avid looking over verbal abuse. When he is upset I have to listen to him and he blames everyone else for his problems.
Today he spit in my face because I was getting out of the car and he started to pull away playing around and I jump into the car just playing with him and hit him in the face by mistake and before I could say I was sorry he spite all over me. I became upset and he then call me some names I prefer not to say..
I spent over 9 years in abusive relationship but never saw myself as a victim until I was out of it. We meet when I was 17 and a few months later I was pregnant. The verbal abuse started then, thankfully he never hit me while I was pregnant. Once our son was born he started to physically abuse me often, in front of our son and even while I was holding him.
He would throw things at me, shove me up against the wall leaving bruises on my arms, throw me onto the bed, restrain me in painful ways so he could scream in my face, he even slapped me once. I called the police once but refused to press charges once they were there. He said he has never acted like that before, so it was my fault. We I got pregnant again, the abuse stopped and I thought that it was for good. I was proud that I had made it through that and truly thought that he would never do it again. But once our daughter was about 2, it did.
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Not as severely, but it did. He used illeagl drugs, abused perscription drugs, drank and was diagnosed as Bipolar. I did finally get a restraining order after he hurt me a few years later but I let it expire. He would threaten me, hurt me, and spent 9 years beraiting me and calling me names. He punched holes in the walls and would stay up until am slamming doors and yelling. I finally got the courage and strength to leave him. Unfourtunatley, he is so manipulative that he has convinced the courts AND our children that I am trying to take the kids away and never let him see them again.
The courts did give me primary custody but allow him to have the kids everyday until 6 when I then have to go pick them up. He has convinced that court that I am the one with a temper. He has been to jail 2x for drug related incedences, has several felony convictions, is on probation, got arrested with our children present for drugs, has abused me and admitted to it on tape , and I have had a restraing order but none of that matters. He is still controlling me with the kids and the courts. He will never be out of my life because we have children together and I feel helpless.
I feel just as stuck and helpless and worthless as I did living in that situation. I do realize that I was a victim of domestic violence but no longer want to be a victim. I just wish I knew how to move on. Laura, You re no longer a victim, you broke the silence and got out! You are not stuck he is.
If he is using your children thats the abuse cycle that he continues to feel empowered by however you remain empowered by the fact that you stood up to take your life back and for your children. You are an inspiration to many of us by getting out…you are not a victim, you are a survivor. Stay well. What you are describing does sound like abuse. There are many types of abuse; including verbal, emotional, financial physical and sexual.
In the Church today when one speaks of a person having the Spirit of the Lord, he means that he is a spiritual person, that is, he is close to God, has a testimony, demonstrates spiritual power, and so on. And such spiritual power comes only through obedience and righteousness. When his wife revealed the answer to the thirty Philistine guests to save her own life see v. Instead, Samson married a Philistine, interacted with them, and smote them only when it suited his personal desire.
The city of Lehi was located in the Shephelah, or foothill area, a few miles southwest of Jerusalem. See Maps and Charts for the possible location. Lehi lived five or six hundred years after Samson. That he should live in the place that bore his name would certainly be unlikely. To offer Delilah a treasure of eleven hundred pieces of silver was a striking indication of the desperate state in which the five lords of the Philistines found themselves after the depredations wrought by Samson.
These lords were the rulers of the five major cities of the Philistines. Gaza was where Samson had visited a harlot see v. The biblical account of Samson reveals him as a man of extreme confidence and tremendous courage, qualities based on his recognition that his power was from God and that God would sustain him in the mission to which he had been called. Over a period of time he broke the vows of a Nazarite and violated other commandments, including the law of chastity see Judges Thus, he became a miserable, broken man with no power left.
Thus, the people did not fear to make sport of Samson, the champion of Jehovah, in the temple of their god. In this setting, Samson once again exercised that kind of courage through which God could have used him as a tool. But again the self-centeredness of Samson is evident. Even in his final opportunity, when Samson used his restored strength to destroy the temple of Dagon and the Philistines who were there, he thought only of getting revenge for what had been done to him see v. In the destruction of his very temple, what better proof could there be that the power of Dagon was nothing?
And yet how much more powerfully could Samson have borne witness to the power of Jehovah if he had fulfilled his calling to overthrow the power of the Philistines. The roof was supported by wooden pillars set on stone bases. It was flat, consisting of logs of wood stretching from one wall to beams supported by the pillars and from these beams to other beams or to the opposite wall.
The temple at Gezer had a forecourt leading into a paved inner chamber, separated from it by four circular stones, on which the wooden pillars stood. Samson probably stood between the two central pillars, if there were more than two.
Melanie Tonia Evans
The Philistine lords and ladies were in the inner chamber; the crowd watched from the roof. Samson made sport, in the forecourt, and then asked the boy to lead him to the central pillars to rest against them. Then, putting an arm round each, and bending forward so as to force them out of the perpendicular, he brought the roof down. The weight of people on the roof may have made the feat all the easier. Nothing in the stories show the Israelites doing what was right. The following information from these chapters is worth noting:. The Danites sought an inheritance because they had not obtained one since entering Canaan see Judges They finally found an inheritance at the headwaters of the Jordan River.
The tribe of Benjamin, already one of the smallest, was nearly annihilated in a vengeful civil war. These were allowed by the princes of Israel to take wives, although not in a righteous manner, so that the tribal identity could be perpetuated, but the tribe of Benjamin remained small. The city of Jerusalem was inhabited by the Jebusites during the time of the judges see Judges — Jerusalem did not become a holy city and a capital for the Israelites until David conquered the Jebusites.
As they established their own settlements, they gradually discarded their nomadic traditions and adopted an agricultural way of life. The northern tribes were almost constantly at war with those walled cities that remained under the control of the Canaanites, and they frequently had to defend themselves against invasions by people from the east: the Ammonites and Midianites.
In contrast, Judah, which occupied the southern end of the Israelite territory, seems to have been relatively tranquil and not involved in the great wars that concerned the Judges. Judah occupied a rugged plateau in the semiarid lands west of the Dead Sea. Normally, the land was fertile enough to sustain fields of wheat and barley, grape vineyards and groves of olive and fig trees. But occasionally the rains failed, the crops withered and there was famine. The family traveled to Moab, a kingdom on the eastern borders of the Dead Sea. The primary god of the Moabites was Chemosh see Reading F While there is no indication that Ruth and her sister-in-law, Orpah, were believers in this false god, two verses say that Ruth was converted to the true God of Israel.
Both of these passages indicate that Ruth was converted. Naomi here used a play on words based on her name. Young men moved through the fields grasping handfuls of the grain and cutting through the stalks with sickles. These small bunches of grain were then bound into bundles called sheaves. As the men worked rapidly, a number of stalks fell to the ground. If the men were careful and took the time, these too could be gathered up. However, any stalks that dropped were allowed to remain where they fell. In addition, the edges of the field, where the sickle was not as easily wielded, were left unharvested.
The poor were welcome to that portion, as well. Naomi wanted to help her faithful daughter-in-law secure a husband and family. To do this, Naomi considered the levirate marriage, a practice that had prevailed for many years in Israel. See Reading for an explanation of this custom.
Deuteronomy —10 is the scriptural reference for the levirate marriage obligation in Israelite families. She was direct in her proposal. Boaz, who was an honourable man, and, according to [ Ruth ], no doubt somewhat advanced in years, praised Ruth for having taken refuge with him, and promised to fulfil her wishes when he had satisfied himself that the nearer redeemer would renounce his right and duty [see vv.